Wednesday, December 17, 2008

True Meaning of Christmas

This time of year it seems everyone loses sight of the true meaning of christmas. With all the hustle and bustle, comings and goings, parties, and all the such, its easy to forget. Easy to fotget the real meaning is to get ME presents. Yes, I said for everyone to get ME something!

Ok seriously, I was just kidding, But you are welcome to get me stuff! We need to remmeber that this s the time we celebrate Christ's birth. And the miracle of his birth and life. Ok so not everyone is Christian, or celebrates christmas, but even so this time of year is a time of goodwill. I have not heard of any religon where goodwill is not taught. This is a time of year where we tend to help the helpless more, where we spend time with those we love.

So I challenge us all to remember this as we go in deeper into the holiday season. Christmas is only a week away, fastly approaching, and it will be really easy to lose sight of the truth.

So tell those you love you love them. Remember in your heart those less fortuante, and thank God and Christ (or if not Christian, your God) for all you have.

Merry Christmas all!

Monday, December 15, 2008

I'm not perfect

First off, thank you for those who are reading and commenting, like I said before your comments mean alot to me. Next, we did not go to church yesterday, Dawn's birthday is tommorrow, and we celebrated yesterday, since i work tommorrow, by just spending time together and relaxing.

Ok, as my blog states, I am not perfect.I doubt anyone got that impression from my blogs, but perhaps by reading my blog concerning my anger, and the girl from my past, may have seemed that I thought that I am.

I am not really ashamed of anything I have done, but some stuff I kinda regret, or wish I had done differently. If that makes any sense at all.

Ok, first, yes I was terrorized growing up, and generally I was a nice person. But in elementary school I did kinda pick on a girl who was kinda off. Never out right mean, just kinda picking. She did invite some of it (I know now I may have too, but it still doesn't excuse it) but that doesn't excuse my actions. A few years later, I saw her at the skating rink, and was nice to her. I could tell she was thrilled, although admittedly I was mostly doing it to impress another girl. Also, shortly before I met my wife, I dated this girl that I had known groing up. A girl that I had liked growing up from a summer camp, and hadn't seen in years, close to 20 to be precise. Weirdly I recognized her immediately when she came to see the movie with her friend. (I was working at the theater at the time) I was crazy about this girl when we went to camp together for those couple years. (loooooong before I ever met the girl from my post) And sadly we lost touch. We dated for a few months, and finally I had to end it. I had to end it because I ended up realizing that all I felt was friendship. Unfortunately I didnt realize this until we tried to lose our virginities to eachother. I say tried, but both decided to stop. See, I couldnt get laid to save my life. Seriously, if getting some would have saved my life, I would have died. Hell, forget getting laid, I just wanted a date, and a girlfriend. But just a date first. I realized that I was mostly dating her, hoping to get some. And trying to make feeling be there that weren't. Yes, it is good I ended it before doing anything, one I would not have my wife (she didn't want to lose hers, unless the guy was one), and more importantly, it would have been really wrong. But still, I feel bad that I was doing that, even without really realizing it.

I was in an online relationship with a girl in the midwest, and ended it right after she sent me a pic of her. Now it wasn't really because of her pic, although that did play a role, but I met a girl online that was in town, and drop dead gorgeous (turned out that was just outside, inside fugly as all hell). But I know the timing was bad, espescially since we were planning on me coming out to see her that summer.

I have done some other things too, just can't really recall them all. I have tried a few drugs, other than tobacco and alcohol. I do not regret weed, in fact I want some now. They need to legalize it. But I have tried crack once, and snorted adderall (adult ridalin). Nothing happened with the adderall; just could breathe a little better. As far as crack, well maybe i was too stoned to tell, but nothing really happened off one hit. My whole jaw went numb (which I was told was supposed to happen) and that night I slept better than I had in years. And it tasted like someone sprayed Raid in my mouth (you know when you spray, and accidentally inhale it? think it going right in) and it was nasty. Forget the harm it does, the taste alone should be a deterrent. I was told it is supposed to taste like that. So other than weed, I am now anti drugs.

Being gullible is a regret too, I am too trusting at times. I know there are other things too.

So, to all I have apologized to, I apologize again, and if I have ever offended you now, or in the past, I am sorry. If I have wronged you, I am sorry. really I am. I may not know it, and if you want to tell me, I am game, but please know I am sorry, and most likely did not intend to.

Saturday, December 13, 2008


hello. i hope people are still reading this, other than my wife. first off, thank you to randi and becky for their help with my hamstring situation. its better for now, hopefully for good.

second. i have an xbox360. dawn got it for me for father's day, id wanted it for a while. we also have a Wii. i dont know our Wii adderess off the top of my head, but my gamer card is HAPYHUBY. let me know yours if you have one and we can link up. maybe play on live together.

also, this pertains to people here in town, but really anyone is cool... howabout a gaming group? video games, board games, the such. both of us like games, just really no one to play with. randi has suggested it, and i think its a great idea.

i also saw on Stephanie's blog a link to an online book club, another neat idea, either a few of us join her's, or start our own. she also has a recipe thing i saw, how about a recipe swap? we get kinda tired eating the same stuff. sorry Steph if i am stealing your ideas, but they good ones.

also, i know things are tight for everyone, but Dawn is a Pampered Chef rep. she can do reak shows, or catalog shows. for you many miles away, a catalog show, she would send you one, you tell her what you want, she orders, and it gets sent right to you. if you are interested, let her know through my blog, or her's for her email. also, i am liquidatig my sword collection, if you are interested in it, or pieces let me know.

i am sure after PK's sermon i will have something to say tommorrow, so later for now!

and remember Eagles may soar, but the weasle does not get sucked into jet engines.

Friday, December 12, 2008

few updates

well those following me.... no i have not heard from that person yet, and i may not, no worries about that though, i honestly dont expect to. if you knew the whole story, i just sumarized it. and as i said, i have let the pain and all go.

but!!!!! i have good news! as of right now it is almost guaranteed that i am going to sales really soon. more time with family coming! i was told by a source, and very reliable, that all i have to do is to formally apply, if they will just post it though. lol. cant apply without the job number.

christmas is coming fast, if you want to send me a gift, ask me for my adderess! just kidding. i hope everyone has a good one! i will email everyone personally as it gets closer.

i have driving school in the morning, so i will be bored for four hours, but it will avoid points on liscence.

i have a random question, if anyone knows. i have a shotgun, 20 gauge pump. for home defense. i have had safety classes, but never learned if ammo expires. i have had the shells for about 2 years almost, never shot them. no where to safely shoot and never needed protection knock on wood. do they expire. i would hate to need them and they not work, or even worse explode in the gun.

drink pepsi and keep me in a job!!! or mist, or dew

Thursday, December 11, 2008

My life

at this point in my life 2 songs sum up perfectly whats going on. the first is Never Enough by Five Finger Deathpunch and the second Life is beautiful by Sixx A.M.

I have the lyrics of each following. Its the message of each that sums up things. And I am willing to bet that like me, Never Enough applies to Randi's husband's job too. sorry about the format/ you can go do a search on yahoo if you want to read it better

Never Enough lyricsI'm so fed up with everyone around me(No one seems to care)I'm just so far gone and nothing's gonna change(I'll never be the same)It's always do this, do that, Everything they want toI don't want to live that wayEvery chance they get they're alwaysPushing me away[Chorus:]It's never enoughNo it's never enoughNo matter what I sayIt's never enoughNo it's never enoughI'll never be what you want me to beIt's all so messed up and no one ever listens(Everyone's deranged)I'm just so fucked up and I'm never gonna change(Wanna lay it all to waste)Their always say this, say that, Nothing that you want toI don't want to live that wayEvery chance they get they're alwaysShoving me aside[Chorus]I'm Done[Bridge:]In the end we're all just chalklines on the concreteDrawn only to be washed awayFor the time that I've been givenI am what I amI'd rather hate youFor everything you areThan ever love youFor something you are notI'd rather you hate meFor everything I amThan have you love meFor something that I aintIt's never enoughIt's never enoughNo matter what I sayIt's never enoughNo it's never enoughNo matter who I try to beIt's never enoughNo it's never enoughNo matter how I try to tasteIt's never enoughNever never enoughI'll never be what you want me to be.

Life Is Beautiful lyricsYou can’t quit until you tryYou can’t live until you dieYou can’t learn to tell the truthUntil you learn to lieYou can’t breathe until you chokeYou gotta laugh when you’re the jokeThere’s nothing like a funeral to make you feel aliveJust open your eyesJust open your eyesAnd see that life is beautiful.Will you swear on your life,That no one will cry at my funeral?I know some things that you don’tI’ve done things that you won’tThere’s nothing like a trail of blood to find your way back homeI was waiting for my hearseWhat came next was so much worseIt took a funeral to make me feel aliveJust open your eyesJust open your eyesAnd see that life is beautiful.Will you swear on your life,That no one will cry at my funeral?Just open your eyesJust open your eyesAnd see that life is beautiful.Will you swear on your life,That no one will cry at my funeral?Just open your eyesJust open your eyesAnd see that life is beautiful.Will you swear on your life,That no one will cry at my funeral?Just open your eyesJust open your eyesAnd see that life is beautiful.Will you swear on your life,That no one will cry at my funeral?

alot of changes 2.0

As I said, there have been some changes in me and my life. Recently I posted a few blogs, one in particular that I recieved many comments on. That would be the one on anger. Yes, I was a very angry person. But since I wrote it, the anger is subsiding. I know its God's doing, sorry all you helped, but he did it. like I have said in Sunday school, I have been more calm these past few weeks coming to church, calmer than I have been in years, but still wound up a little.

But my anger towards all those that tormented me growing up, that was still there. But I have let it go, for the most part. yes, I still want an apology from all those that tormented me, but I know most will never do it. So I am not holding my breath anymore. it may sound immature, but I'm better than that/them.

How did I do it some may wonder. Well I will tell you, without going into rich details, b/c the person who is mainly responsible may not want our history known to all. So I will not use names. So if you are reading this, dont worry you are safe. heck, I dont even know if you will hear about this or read it. But your identity will remain hidden, unless you make yourself known. Some of this you will have already read in my email I sent you though,....if you even see this.

Ok now. Growing up, I would say around the time I was 8 yrs old, I met this girl. At first sight, I had no interest in her. But at second sight I developed a crush. Throughout the years that crush became love. And for years I was MADLY head over heels in love with her. I was so messed up, had she asked me to kill someone, I probably would have, I would have asked why, but I would have most likely done it anyways. Sadly,..she had no interest in me. I was once told that initially she did, then she became friends with someone who did not like me at all, and she followed suit. Whether this is true or not is not revelant though. Every breath I took was for her. Some say its not love unless they return the feelings, but I know otherwise. Love can be one sided. Anyways..

For years I loved her. There were times that I thought she might have feelings for me, but every time I was wrong. To make matters worse (although she didnt mean to i know) her mom would refer to me frequently as her future son-in-law; and threaten to not allow me to date her if I didnt sing in church. Yes, her mom actually said this, and guess what I sang my horrible voice loudly and my heart out. And every time that my feelings would subside some, I would pay less attention to her. This in turn would cause her to be nicer to me. And I mean alot NICER to me, thus feeding my feelings.

Finally, not souly b/c of her, in fact very little her, but she did contribute (sorry it is true, i would be lying if i said otherwise) I atempted to hang myself. I was miserable. I wont go into details here, but feel free to ask me how I chose hanging. Obviously i failed. Which is good now. =)

At that point I broke free of the mormon church, some things i relied on failed me, so i had to quit. I still kept in contact with a few people, including some she ended up dating (after the fact). talking to one guy that i worked with a short bit, he had some similarities to my story, an he dated her a while! It was then that I determined that she consciously unconsciously led me on. What I mean is when my feelings let up, and I started paying less attention to her, she didnt like that. So she would be nicer to me, knowing that I would pay attention to her. this is the conscious part. But, the plan would back fire. I would pay more attention than she wanted, thus the unconscious part. i also heardfrom another source some very disturbing things, again mirroring my story. and this source admitted that this girl screwed me up and they were mad about it.

Anyways, I am not trying to dig up the past, just laying groundwork for my changes.

I left the church, started drinking, heavily at one point, not a problem, just enjoying life. I smoked, and blazed up. (which i still miss, please legalize) Eventually I met my wonderful wife. And I had heard she met a guy too. But I didnt care, I didnt want anything to do with her. Just thinking of her hurt me. Well I got married, and I heard she did too. Again, didnt want to think about it. I had already forgiven her, and felt sorry for her from the things i had heard, but i wanted NO contact.

I found her sister through myspace, a girl i was really good friends with back then, and started talking, all the while leaving this girl out of the emails. And guess what, even just talking to her sis, didnt bring up any feelings, but still no contact.

After posting the anger blog, i got to thinking, i cant really say i have forgiven her for her role in our saga (i say her role b/c i feel we both to blame) if i avoid her like a leper,..right? so i looked her up and made contact. Even though I had no contact i still thought about her and wondered what if....even after I was married. heck, shes not the only one i thought about. but usually only after a big fight or when i was depressed. how could i forget her completely? she was a huge part of my life for easily 10 years plus. i know others reading this know what i mean, you happy, but every now and then you wonder....just wonder. the point is not to dwell on it, then you create a problem.

So...... I contacted her, told her I was sorry for my part, and that I forgave her for hers. i admit/ admitted that we both, INCLUDING ME madeand offered a real hand of friendship. She initially responded, but i still havent heard back again. But i was surprised, and relieved.

GUESS WHAT!!!!, Even before I heard back, I instanly felt better. I had let all this pain go, and felt like I could let it all go. granted i do not recall her harassing me, but loving someone who doesnt share the feelings, hurts too. we all can relate im sure. just remember that person you asked "do you like me, check yes or no" and they checked no. how much that hurt at the time.
so i have let it go, all of it. hopefully she will accept my friendship. if not o well, im not going to cry about it. point is i feel so much better, and ironically, it is because of her.

We both happily married, have a kid, although shes preggers again, and we not, but discussing it kinda. She lives hundereds of miles away, and is very happy. So am I. I have grown, and I know full well, had I not started going to church and made friends with Southside people, it would be years from now, if ever i were able to let my pain from her go, but even more than her, all the pain from my tormenters go. Thinking of her helped calm me down at times growning up, but never ended the pain.

The pain is gone, thank you God, Southside family, my wife, and again ironically you (her).

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

alot of changes

i am not doing this tonite, we got slammed at work today, and we still have our 2 busiest days left to go. so i am tired, very tired.

recently i recieved some comments on a few blogs, and they meant alot to me. because of these comments, and the people know who they are, or should, things have been better. i feel better, well spiritually and emotionally, not physically. my leg is still sore, and i still have a little cold. just hearing from one person in particular took alot of weight off me, in fact i initiated the contact, and i instantly felt better afterwards, more so when they responded. you know who you are, and thank you. thats what my next blog is about, so keep watch. i do promise----Randi, there will not be as harsh stuff in this one, if any harsh stuff. of course knowing you, you will cry even more with this one, b/c God is changing me. but thats ok, we love that you are so spiritual and sensitive and stuff, you know im jus joshing ya.

well all later and good nite. i will leave you with a little pearl i recently heard. you may have heard it.
"Life isn't really like a box of chocolates. Its more like a jar of jalepenos. What you do today may burn your ass tommorrow"

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Thank You

Thank you all who have been reading, and to those who may be just starting. Your comments do mean alot to me. Today was ok, other than my sore leg (see previous post) and the fact i am still fighting off a cold.

random health question

the back of my right thigh is KILLING ME. well maybe not really killing me. i can walk ok, maybe a slight limp. but it REALLY hurts. kinda a dull ache. isnt that where the hamstring is? if so, how would i know if i damaged it?

Saturday, December 6, 2008

I'm an angry person

Last Sunday PK completed his series "The Emo Whisperer" with a sermon on Anger. I tell you, it got to me, not as much as his on jealousy, but it got me. To me, both went hand in hand. I am angry at soooo many people from over the years. PK said part of letting it go, we have to identify what was taken from us, so we can frogive the debt. But thats whats hard, with so many people I am mad at, they really didn't take anything per say, just really hurt my feelings, and I mean REALLY hurt my feelings. I figured one way to healing is to get it all out there.

I am angry with all the kids from my school years, elementary through high school, and there are alot of those. I was treated horrifically for my entire youth. Constantly bullied and harassed. It was so bad that at the very beginning of my freshman year in highschool I attempted suicide. I am also angry at the adults that were around, who didn't do anything to try to end my torment, or tried to blame me for it, or imply that I WAS CAUSING IT. This means teachers, youth leaders, church leaders, and parents of other kids. I actually asked a teacher in 6th grade why I was always getting sent to the office, instead of the kids doing the wrong. She actually replied that it was easier to send one person (me) instead of 5-10, or the rest of the class. While there was a point to that logic, I pointed out that it made me look and feel like I was the problem.

I am angry at my father (he has no right to be called dad) for being a creep and causing my mom to leave him, then for being a pedophile (not to me or my sis thank god) afterwards and going to prison. He was never there, and a very sick individual, and I never knew him, and do not want to, but that doesn't change the fact that things could have been different had he been there.

I am angry at my mom, for many reasons. For raising me as a Mormon. This is a big root of my pain growing up. Many of the kids at church were crueler than those at school, and I had to go to school with many of them too. Not only that, but so many of the things they taught, that I believed whole heartedly, failed me when I needed them most. I'm mad at her because even after I stopped going to her church, she was so wrapped up in going and serving, she would either neglect her family, kill herself between work, family, and church responsibilities, or both. We/ I have repeatedly wanted to visit, and now "allow" her to see her grandbaby, and so many times she says she can't because of church. I understand serving God is important, but family is too.

I'm angry at my wife. Though not as much as others. So many times it seems she does not fully appreciate how hard I work to give her everything she has. And how stressed I am most of the time. I try to keep her out of it ( I know, we married and I should communicate) so she won't get stressed.

And I am angry at myself. I want to communicate with my wife, help more around the house. But I am so tired and stressed from work and all that I have no energy. And what little I do have left, I use to spend with her and Carly. I am angry that I have no energy.

I am angry at my job, for not having enough people, for hiring people who can't do the job or refuse to, and for not getting rid of certain people that they could have and should have a long time ago, now creating more work than needed.

I am angry with God for allowing me to be treated like crap growing up. For allowing it to seem like I get punished for helping people. Every time I do, either I end up hurting myself, or the person I help hurts me.

Of all I am angry with though, it is mostly all those that treated me so harshly growing up. I have gotten a few apologies, and I have forgiven them, but I want the rest to. But I guess that wil never happen.

Sunday, November 30, 2008


well, i have had alot happening recently. and after today's sermon, i have somethings to talk about. but not tonite. i kinda tired and i want to be coherent. talk later

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Can't be bad, so make busy

A couple weeks or so ago, I think in Sundayschool we determined that if the devil cannot make you bad, he will just make you busy, to prevent you from doing good. Boy is that the truth. Last March, I applied for a sales position at work, and was passed up for it. They claimed it was an acidental post, but some things happened (not me doing anything) that made/ make me suspiscious. Anyways, a new and better one came open a few weeks ago, I went out for this one, pretty much knowing I wouldn't get it, and I didn't. But, a new one came open. Although nothing was set in stone, the impression was given to me that I would most likely get the position of the guy who got the trainee spot. So I went for it. Now the posting just closed, and I haven't interviewed yet, but I already know the other guy who went for it. He has seniority over me. But his position will come open, which is ok except......
I work in the warehouse, VERY, VERY hard. During the summer, it is not unusual to work 6 days to get the job done. This makes me extremely tired, and not able to see my family much, which drags me down. The position I am currently going for is a Mon-Fri job, like what I am supposed to be year round, and I would still be working alot of hours. Yes, I am sure I might still have to work a 6th day now and then, or I could, however, sinc that job would require some driving, and some time of literally just standing around waiting for work, I may be on clock 12+ hours a day, but only physically working 8 or so. So I won't be as tired. And this position would allow for Dawn, and possibly me to spend more time with Carly.
The position of the guy also going for it is a weekend position, what I went for back in March. it is Fri-Mon. Same work load pretty much, but i can get my 40 or so in four days, and when the economy picks back up, I have the OPTION to work a fith, and even sixth day. This position will also allow me to spend more time with my family...........
Now my dilema: I really doubt I can handle another summer in the warehouse. Yes we FINALLYgot rid of the jerk-off, but most likely we will replace with someone similar. I miss my family, and when I am home, I am too exhausted to do anything. (picture this: take 2 twelve pack, one each hand and lift them above your head about 150+ times. The pick up 8 2-liters and do the same 100+ times that will give you an idea of what I do). Since I want more time at home, or at least Dawn too, which she wants too. This is not really possible in the warehouse, plus since I want a career there, and there really are not any advancement opportunities in the warehouse, sales is the only way. Now back to the problem. I still could get the curent position, unlikely, but very possible. But if I don't, im either stuck in the warehouse missing valuable time with my family, or I am working weekends, most likely missing church (almost a guarantee). Either way not completely happy. Yeah I will definately be happier in sales, and defiantley pretty miserable another summer in the warehouse, but I want church too. I could go to a Wed nite thing, if they continue it.
I have no real time to find another job/ career. And with the economy, it is going to be almost impossible to find someone hiring that will pay enough to make ends meet, even with Dawn still working like she does. She brings alot in, not financially per-say, but without her income, we would fail in the off season, literally fail. I make really good money, espscially with all my OT in summer, so finding one that pays comprable to me now is even harder. Yes I said earlier we need help, and we do, Im not asking but will accept, thats again not this blog.
What I need right now is suggestions or solutions. Ive been praying, but no answer yet. So, do you have a job opening or know of one? I can get you a resume. What should I do? God is important to me, but so is my family. Dawn and Carly would be coming to church, just not me, if things go the way I am afraid. What should I do? Please help me.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Funny time

i have a few jokes and stuff. hopefully all will like.

1.A Mormon bishop, a Mormon stake president, and a average joe are all friends and are out fishing on the lake. After about two hours they run out of sandwhiches in the cooler. "Hey I'm hungry" the bishop says. "I'm going back to the car's cooler to get more sandwhiches. So he stands up and walks across the water to get more sandwiches, and returns the same way about 10 minutes later.
About 30 minutes later the stake president realizes they are out of drinks, "Hey, I'm thirsty, I'm going to get more sodas for us." So he too stands up and walks across the lake to their car and returns about 10 minutes later.
Seeing this their friend thinks "Hey they just walked across water, and Mormons can't be any different than me. I should be able to do it" So he says he is going to go get more chips. he stands up and steps out of the boat, and immediately sinks to the bottom.
The bishop turns to the stake president and says," You think we should have told him where the rocks were?"

2.A Catholic priest, Methodist minister, and a Babtist pastor are all sitting around chatting. The collection plates come up, and how they divide up the money.
"Well we go outside and draw a 10 foot wide circle. Next we throw all the money up in the air and whatever lands inside is ours, and outside is God's" the Methodist says.
"Not bad," the Babtist says, "but we use a five foot circle. Whatever lands inside is ours, and outside is God's."
The Catholic then says to them," Interesting, but you both have it wrong. You don't really need a circle. Just throw it up in the air like you normally do. But with us, its what ever God wants he is going to keep, the rest is ours."

3.This guy loves to play golf. In all his spare time, thats all he does after spending time with his family. He is also a Mormon, and very active in his chruch. Well one day he recieves a call to become bishop in his ward. He accepts the calling. With his new calling comes great responsibility, so much he ends up not playing golf for almost two months, and he starts to go kind of nuts, he is in withdrawl.
So he sits down one night and writes down his weekly schedule, every minute of everyday. he discovers a thirty minute window in the week that he could go and play a few holes. Unfortuantely it is on Sunday morning before all his meetings start. Being a strict Mormon, he knows he is not supposed to go play golf on sundays. But he rationalizes that he has been good all his life, and he is doing the Lord's work afterall. Surely God will grant him this one little thing.
So the following Sunday he heads out to the course to play a few links.
His guardian angel his just chilling up in heaven, it is Sunday afterall, what can really happen? He looks down and freaks out. So the angel runs to the head guardian angel and tells him whats going on. "I'll handle it," the head says.
So the man is about to tee off on the hardest hole on the entire course. Whack! He hits the ball, and what do you know? A hole in one!
His guardian angel runs up to his boss," You said you were going to take care of it!"
"I did. Now who's he going to tell that to?"

3. A priest and a nun are on the golf course. He's playing, shes his caddy. He is on the green, an easy putt in. No way he can miss. "Dammit! I missed!"
"Don't cuss father. God will stirke you with lightening" the nun says.
" I am a man of God, I slipped. It will be okay"
Next hole, on the green again. In fact its an easier putt this time. There is literally no way to miss this shot. "Dammit! I missed again!"
"Thats two slips! I tell you, you will get struck with lightening"
"I doubt it. I have been saved. I do the lord's work. I live a chaste life. He doesn't do that thing anyways"
"Ok, but I've warned you twice"
Next hole, again there is absolutely no way he can miss. The absolutely worst golfer could make this putt, blinded, one hand tied behind his back, and a rabid dog gnawing on his leg.
"DAMMIT!!!! I missed again!!!"
ZOLT! Lightening strikes the nun.
About three seconds later a loud thunderous voice says, "Dammit I missed"

Sunday, November 23, 2008

please share

this isnt really a blog, and i have a funny one coming, just too tired right now. please share my blogs. i think the only one reading is my wife, so if you know someone who might like me, let them know about me. my wife has a few followers from church, and i would like people to read me too, so pass me on please!

Saturday, November 22, 2008

What do you have against me?

i have been debating on writing this for this entire past week. finally i decided to do it. of course im exhausted from working all week, today included. we went in at 4 am, so i really am tired, and hopefully this will make sense.

last sunday, our pastor, Pastor Kelly (PK for short) gave a sermon on jealousy as part of his Emo Whisperer series. it really affected me. not that i am really jealous or envious of someone in particular, but its what he said that got to me. so much that i was in tears after i went up front and prayed at the end of the sermon. what got to me so much you may wonder? i may be misquoting him, but the jist of what got to me was that it is okay to blame/accuse God of screwing you over. granted He may really not be to blame, but you think it right? so why not tell him. he already knows you think it, so hes not going to strike you down. heres my story:

not many, if any of you, really know me. but i was raised Mormon. (to make things clear. they are a Christian religon, but im not getting into that here now) many religons, including the LDS (Mormons) believe that God answers prayers, and that He will never try/ test you beyond what you can handle. however, they way they teach or taught it to me was a little different. see i was constantly bullied, harassed, picked on, and pretty much tortured growing up. i dont really know why, but i was a victim of much terror. i was a good kid, didnt cause any real trouble, and stayed out of it too, for the most part. so i did not deserve any of it in the least bit. and ironically, the kids at church were worse than kids at school usually. and even worse, i went to school with some of them. and alot of the leaders/ adults didnt really seem to care, same with the teachers at school too. i prayed and prayed and prayed for years for it to end, or let up. it never did. in fact it would GET WORSE every time i prayed. so naturally i lost my faith. i would be in tears every nite praying. ive since learned my mom was too. finally i took matters into my own hands. i attempted suicide. i tried to hange myself. its a kinda funny story that i will tell those who want to know, but im not here now. obviously it didnt work, and im still here. i blamed GOD for the longest time for things getting worse. i said he made them worse. i was told that he didnt make them worse, but my argument was, and still is, that MAYBE he didnt, but he let them get worse. and that really hurt(s).
i have always been as helpful as i could without hurting myself, although it seems i end up doing that. so has my wife. so naturally we get together and we end up doing nice things for and to people and organizations and get burned. we stuggle, LITERALLY to make ends meet. there have been too many times we didnt know where our meals would come from. espescially now with Carly, she cant go hungry, we could if we had to. we are not bad people, and even though we do need help (im not asking, but we will accept if someone really wants to, but thats not what this blog is about) we rarely ask for it b/c we do know there are those who honestly need it more than us.
so anyways, when PK started talking about envy and jealousy, and said that everything we own is actually God's, that HE allowed us to get it, that He gave us it, and that if He did not want us to have it, we wouldnt, it got to me. it got to me b/c i was a good person, and we are good people. why was i tormented to the point of wanting to die, why do my wife and i struggle sooo much? why all this when we are good people? we help someone and they steal from us? or an emergency happens that cripples us financially for a bit right after we help them? why do we have it so freakin hard when some just as generous as us have it easier? or even worse, those who are evil or just rotten people have it easy. they have everything they want for the most part. PK said it was okay to tell God that we think he cheated us, and I did. i still feel he has and does. but i feel better about it. he has a plan, and i dont know it yet, but if everything we have is his essentially, then he should know what he is doing. but years ago i was made to feel bad that i felt that God was cheating me. when PK said these things, i was literally brought to tears. b/c he said God knew what i was thinking, so i might as well say it to him. saying it made me feel better. yes, we are still having problems makin ends meet. yes we still need help, but since i know that if it gets to the point that i feel he is cheating me, i can say it if i need to, i am doing better. thank you PK. so the title of my blog is pretty much what i asked God. i havent gotten an answer why i have it harder, but i know i dont have to feel guilty for feeling cheated. again thank you PK

Tuesday, November 18, 2008


today i was a klutz again at work. i split my head open. its not bac, but it hurts real bad. four stitches. mostly got the stitches to minimize the scar, and to keep it closed to heal. but i can still work, so its all good.

Monday, November 17, 2008

new post... duh

well this has been some week. or last week was. for those who didnt read my wife's blog, i will fill you in, or if you do read it, i will still fill you in.

i work for Pepsi Bottling Ventures in the warehouse. i work on day shift which is the bulk team. bulk is the team that builds for all the grocery stores in the tri county area. or almost the whole tri county area. i used to be a supervisor, but stepped down. that being said,........

i stepped down because i was not getting properly backed up by upper management on the handling of discipline of disrespectful and unruly employees. i stepped down mostly b/c of one worthless employee. i didnt want to step down, but since i see my job as a career, and not just a job, i had to before i said or did something that would change my employment status. unfortunately me stepping down did not really change anything. he still disprespected anyone and everyone. he is actually so worthless as a employee, that its not even worth the breath calling him worthless.

well, he was on the verge of termination for a LOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNGGGGGGG time b/c of his lack of attendance. but they were not enforcing it. finally they did, and he was due to get fired. it was brought to my attention that he had once or twice said that if he ever got fired, he was coming after me. now i never heard it, and the guy who told me can be an ass and joke like that. so ive been a little on edge. this guy is nuts, and even if my source was joking, it wouldnt surprise me. but he got fired today, and everything is ok for now. but whats cool, is we are really hurting right now. i know everyone is tight, but we seem to really be feeling it, and since they finally axed him i will probably get close to like 60 hours every week the rest of the year.

Saturday, November 8, 2008


five years happily married! gifts are accepted. hehehe=) i love my wife soooooo much. anniversary today

Friday, November 7, 2008

Morality and our country

recently i read a blog by a friend or my wife's (and now mine) on morality. while i dont always see eye to eye with her, she made some very good points.
we hear more and more how our country is heading down a dangerous path. we have overcrowded prisons, school shootings, rampant illicit drug use, and countless other shameful issues. there is an easy solution to all of this, go back to the "good old days". or even better to the REALLY old ways. we need to teach our children right from wrong, to respect eachother and their elders (however respecting elders goes both ways, just b/c you a senior citizen doesnt mean you can disrespect me), and that there are serious consequences for doing otherwise. they dont understand this unfortuantely.
way back in Jesus' time, certain things were highly punished. you committed adultry, you got stoned, pretty much for any crime you got stoned. if it were serious enough, you got crucified. fast forward some years, and in the middle east, you stole, you got your hand chopped off. and not just that, one hand was clean (you ate with, shook hands) the other was dirty (you wiped your butt with) they would cut off, you guessed it, the clean one, or it really didnt matter, you only had one. fast forward to the 16-1800's in our very own country, if you committed adultry you got the Scarlett Letter, a big red A branded on you. and i believe (not sure) every piece of clothing you had had to be marked with it. things even got extreme in the witch trials, people got burned at the stake, or drowned just for people thinking they were witches (although most of that was fueled by hate).
i have an easy solution to our problems. how you may ask? simple, show people, espescially our youth that every action has a equal and opposite reaction. yes, i know thats a law of physics, but it applies. maybe not chop off a hand of a shoplifter, but its an idea. (unless stealing to "honestly" provide food for a starving family ie. bread, milk)
how about every state imposing the death penalty, and televising it. they did that in the middle ages, and in fact they were family affairs. i bet if you start showing people that you will die, if you take a life, and show what will actually happen, murders will drop. sure there still will be some, but i bet not as much. of course with this approach you would have to be really sure it was them, or they confess. and no 5-20 years on death row. you get one appeal, and of course the stay, then you done. and the appeal MUST be within 3 years. this is a real quick solution to overcrowded prisons. im not sure on the exact amount but i believe it costs $1000/ day to watch one prisoner, thats with guard pay, food, housing, and the such. thats outrageous! even if i am high, say its $100/ day. thats still $3000/ month,...FOR ONE FREAKING PRISONER!
how about rapists, i have two solutions for this, courtesy of a guy i went to school with. one solution, take the penis of the rapist, and stick it in a lead pipe, or pvc, it doesnt matter. seal that end tightly around his unit. then on the open end, input a rat. then take a gas soaked rag, and tightly seal the open end. the rat wants out, but will NOT go to the end with the rag. it will have to eat its way out the other end. the other solution is to strip them naked and strap them down on a big rock. spray female gorilla horomones all over their butt. and let a very excited male gorilla loose on them. now these may sound horrific, and they are. but they already physically and/or chemically castrate rapists, yet it still happens. we need something to really scare the crap out of them. like, "whoa! they did that to him? forget it its not worth it"
how about murder charges on drug dealers when someone dies of an overdose, or bad stuff? they already know their product kills, and most users go to a dealer they know and can "trust", so its a simple thing. (if i hand a gun to someone wanting to go kill another, i am an accomplice, if i know what they are going to do) but for users and other non-violent offenders, come up with a way to treat them, instead of prisons, this would help overcrowding. and just say we start charging dealers with not only posession, intent to sell, distribution, and the like, but also murder of a person who OD's or kills someone while they are high, or trying to get money to get high, and i bet dealing will drop.
but all these ideas aside, i have a faster solution. teach our kids right from wrong. religon is not a nessecity for this, but it will seriously help, besides, where do morals really come from,..God. start holding the media accountable for the corruption. performers have an image that little kids look up to, and they know this. Eminem actually said he wont let his daughter listen to his music. now i like him, and he is a performer for adults, but young kids liked him too. and another thing on this parents be more involved in what your kids wear, watch, play, and listen to. this does not mean we need to outlaw violent music, movies, tv, and video games. just make them restricted to age appropriate audiences. and do not have "hardcore" type artists on the soundtracks for movies specifically geared to children, this exposes them to these artists, which causes them to want to hear more, then try to be like them. if the performer referes to women as "bitches" and "hoes" but he doesnt in that song of his on the kid's soundtrack, it doesnt mean he is age appropriate. i like M rated games, and artist with explicit lyrics, and R rated movies, but i am 29. they have these ratings for a reason. they all are protected, or should be under freedom of speach, they are a form of expression, and if you watch a movies that shows someone shooting up a place and it makes you want to shoot up somewhere, its not the movie, you were already screwed up. Hitler was already screwed up, so what was he watching or listening to?
parents, and leaders of america and the world, take heed. our world is doomed, not matter if a republican, democrat, or whatever is in office. no matter what religon, race, sex, whatever you are, if we do not teach our kids right from worng, and using your nation's/ religion's religous text for guidence, then dont complain when we have a school shooting. when we see an atrocity that outrages us, one that could have been avoided. sure there will be those that are destined by God to happen, and those that are caused by those who are just screwed up anyways, but there wont be as much.
being a born again/ new found/ whatever christian, i say use the Bible. it chronicles more groups of people than alot of other books out there. pray to God for guidence. some say there will always be prayer in schools as long as there are tests. this is true, but if our very country says "in God we trust" and "one nation under God" whats the harm in having God in our hearts? and if you are Buhddist, Muslim, Wiccan, Jewish, you all have a God, or Gods. now i know there is a God, i wouldnt have my wife otherwise, but humor me for a moment, what kind of God do you worship if you can't say "one nation under God" or in a school prayer they say God, and in your heart and mind you hold YOUR faith near, you still get condemned to your religon's hell?
so to sum up. end this PC crap. be honest about everything, but tactful, teach kids right from wrong, and most important abovr all else, the "golden rule" TREAT OTHERS AS YOU WANT TO BE TREATED. if we all do these simple things, the world will be more moral, and a better place.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

me sick

i am sick. bad cold. nose is stuffy. my lovely wife and probably daughter made me sick. go figure, i use my last personal day at work, and then i get sick. o well. i have a doosey of a blog coming up, based on our dear friend Randi's recent one. and no Randi, this time i should be mostly on your side. well since im sick now, i go bye bye.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

History is made

by now we all know that history has been made. the first black president. i honestly never thought it would happen in my life, now we just need a woman one, right? and not that it REALLY matters if hes black or white, skin color has no bearing if he can lead our country. so lets all, no matter your party affiliation, join and support him. give him a chance to do what he says. and for those who voted "just because he is black" you voted for the wrong reasons, same as those who voted for clinton b/c they liked his hair.
now, to all those who did vote for Obama, like me, lets all agree to do the opposite of everyone i know who voted for bush. what i mean is the following: if Obama screws up and we all end up hating him (ie. Bush) lets admit we screwed up. we thought he would do a good job, but he didnt. everyone i know that wanted bush, and no hates him, will NOT admit they screwed up. admit you made an honest mistake. but since he is not officially in office, and thus cant screw up yet, GIVE HIM A CHANCE!
now, we have a black man in the highest office in the country, if not the world, and office once thought by, and told to black children that it was not possible. he proved it wrong. therefore do away with affirmative action. it did serve its purpose, but now is not needed. if you wont do away with it, then make things fair for whites and others. it is sad when a white family makes $x and a black family makes the same $x and both apply for food stamps yet the black family gets more, sometimes way more. i PERSONALLY know people who were told they couldnt get more b/c they were white. and my wife was told we made too much for WIC the first time around b/c we were white. (implying that if we werent we would be ok) so, if you wont abolish affirmative action, make food stamps, wic, welfare, and the likes fair and open to all those who need it. even whites struggle to make ends meet, and barely scrape by. by saying just b/c we white we have it easier, is like saying a black man is not as good, which no one sane thinks. and Obama proved it.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Go Vote

well everyone, it is time to vote. personally you are crazy to vote for McCain unless you make like 125k/ year. and thats according to each candidate's own tax plan. now of course with the economy being like it is, whoever wins will have to adjust their plans to fix things. and personally i fell that it will get worse before it gets better. and McCain wants to tax our health benefits? that probably will never happen, but come on? depending how he does it, there are 2 ways, either the whole package incl. what your employer pays, or just your pre-tax amount. (ie. i pay 30/wk before taxes, then the rest is taxed a cafeteria plan)
no matter what we are making history people. either a black president, or the oldest. and frankly, i think that we will have a white president either way. just a white man, or woman. there have been threats on Obama, which is sad, its 2008 people being black or white has no bearing on your abilities. and McCain is old, he wont make it through 2 years, so Palin would become president. president is very stressful, and can McCain's ticker hold up?
like that host of this year's VMA's said, the US is very forward thinking, we elected a retard twice to office, so why not a black man?
anyways, if you have not voted, go!!!! no matter who wins, most likely the voters will lose. but we still have a duty to change this country.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

i am a virgin

well not THAT kind. but to blogging. so be gentle on comments please. i will try to post once a day, but at the minimum once a week. check often please.