Funny time

i have a few jokes and stuff. hopefully all will like.

1.A Mormon bishop, a Mormon stake president, and a average joe are all friends and are out fishing on the lake. After about two hours they run out of sandwhiches in the cooler. "Hey I'm hungry" the bishop says. "I'm going back to the car's cooler to get more sandwhiches. So he stands up and walks across the water to get more sandwiches, and returns the same way about 10 minutes later.
About 30 minutes later the stake president realizes they are out of drinks, "Hey, I'm thirsty, I'm going to get more sodas for us." So he too stands up and walks across the lake to their car and returns about 10 minutes later.
Seeing this their friend thinks "Hey they just walked across water, and Mormons can't be any different than me. I should be able to do it" So he says he is going to go get more chips. he stands up and steps out of the boat, and immediately sinks to the bottom.
The bishop turns to the stake president and says," You think we should have told him where the rocks were?"

2.A Catholic priest, Methodist minister, and a Babtist pastor are all sitting around chatting. The collection plates come up, and how they divide up the money.
"Well we go outside and draw a 10 foot wide circle. Next we throw all the money up in the air and whatever lands inside is ours, and outside is God's" the Methodist says.
"Not bad," the Babtist says, "but we use a five foot circle. Whatever lands inside is ours, and outside is God's."
The Catholic then says to them," Interesting, but you both have it wrong. You don't really need a circle. Just throw it up in the air like you normally do. But with us, its what ever God wants he is going to keep, the rest is ours."

3.This guy loves to play golf. In all his spare time, thats all he does after spending time with his family. He is also a Mormon, and very active in his chruch. Well one day he recieves a call to become bishop in his ward. He accepts the calling. With his new calling comes great responsibility, so much he ends up not playing golf for almost two months, and he starts to go kind of nuts, he is in withdrawl.
So he sits down one night and writes down his weekly schedule, every minute of everyday. he discovers a thirty minute window in the week that he could go and play a few holes. Unfortuantely it is on Sunday morning before all his meetings start. Being a strict Mormon, he knows he is not supposed to go play golf on sundays. But he rationalizes that he has been good all his life, and he is doing the Lord's work afterall. Surely God will grant him this one little thing.
So the following Sunday he heads out to the course to play a few links.
His guardian angel his just chilling up in heaven, it is Sunday afterall, what can really happen? He looks down and freaks out. So the angel runs to the head guardian angel and tells him whats going on. "I'll handle it," the head says.
So the man is about to tee off on the hardest hole on the entire course. Whack! He hits the ball, and what do you know? A hole in one!
His guardian angel runs up to his boss," You said you were going to take care of it!"
"I did. Now who's he going to tell that to?"

3. A priest and a nun are on the golf course. He's playing, shes his caddy. He is on the green, an easy putt in. No way he can miss. "Dammit! I missed!"
"Don't cuss father. God will stirke you with lightening" the nun says.
" I am a man of God, I slipped. It will be okay"
Next hole, on the green again. In fact its an easier putt this time. There is literally no way to miss this shot. "Dammit! I missed again!"
"Thats two slips! I tell you, you will get struck with lightening"
"I doubt it. I have been saved. I do the lord's work. I live a chaste life. He doesn't do that thing anyways"
"Ok, but I've warned you twice"
Next hole, again there is absolutely no way he can miss. The absolutely worst golfer could make this putt, blinded, one hand tied behind his back, and a rabid dog gnawing on his leg.
"DAMMIT!!!! I missed again!!!"
ZOLT! Lightening strikes the nun.
About three seconds later a loud thunderous voice says, "Dammit I missed"