I'm not perfect

First off, thank you for those who are reading and commenting, like I said before your comments mean alot to me. Next, we did not go to church yesterday, Dawn's birthday is tommorrow, and we celebrated yesterday, since i work tommorrow, by just spending time together and relaxing.

Ok, as my blog states, I am not perfect.I doubt anyone got that impression from my blogs, but perhaps by reading my blog concerning my anger, and the girl from my past,...it may have seemed that I thought that I am.

I am not really ashamed of anything I have done, but some stuff I kinda regret, or wish I had done differently. If that makes any sense at all.

Ok, first, yes I was terrorized growing up, and generally I was a nice person. But in elementary school I did kinda pick on a girl who was kinda off. Never out right mean, just kinda picking. She did invite some of it (I know now I may have too, but it still doesn't excuse it) but that doesn't excuse my actions. A few years later, I saw her at the skating rink, and was nice to her. I could tell she was thrilled, although admittedly I was mostly doing it to impress another girl. Also, shortly before I met my wife, I dated this girl that I had known groing up. A girl that I had liked growing up from a summer camp, and hadn't seen in years, close to 20 to be precise. Weirdly I recognized her immediately when she came to see the movie with her friend. (I was working at the theater at the time) I was crazy about this girl when we went to camp together for those couple years. (loooooong before I ever met the girl from my post) And sadly we lost touch. We dated for a few months, and finally I had to end it. I had to end it because I ended up realizing that all I felt was friendship. Unfortunately I didnt realize this until we tried to lose our virginities to eachother. I say tried, but both decided to stop. See, I couldnt get laid to save my life. Seriously, if getting some would have saved my life, I would have died. Hell, forget getting laid, I just wanted a date, and a girlfriend. But just a date first. I realized that I was mostly dating her, hoping to get some. And trying to make feeling be there that weren't. Yes, it is good I ended it before doing anything, one I would not have my wife (she didn't want to lose hers, unless the guy was one), and more importantly, it would have been really wrong. But still, I feel bad that I was doing that, even without really realizing it.

I was in an online relationship with a girl in the midwest, and ended it right after she sent me a pic of her. Now it wasn't really because of her pic, although that did play a role, but I met a girl online that was in town, and drop dead gorgeous (turned out that was just outside, inside fugly as all hell). But I know the timing was bad, espescially since we were planning on me coming out to see her that summer.

I have done some other things too, just can't really recall them all. I have tried a few drugs, other than tobacco and alcohol. I do not regret weed, in fact I want some now. They need to legalize it. But I have tried crack once, and snorted adderall (adult ridalin). Nothing happened with the adderall; just could breathe a little better. As far as crack, well maybe i was too stoned to tell, but nothing really happened off one hit. My whole jaw went numb (which I was told was supposed to happen) and that night I slept better than I had in years. And it tasted like someone sprayed Raid in my mouth (you know when you spray, and accidentally inhale it? think it going right in) and it was nasty. Forget the harm it does, the taste alone should be a deterrent. I was told it is supposed to taste like that. So other than weed, I am now anti drugs.

Being gullible is a regret too, I am too trusting at times. I know there are other things too.

So, to all I have apologized to, I apologize again, and if I have ever offended you now, or in the past, I am sorry. If I have wronged you, I am sorry. really I am. I may not know it, and if you want to tell me, I am game, but please know I am sorry, and most likely did not intend to.